Don't think this means I've made peace with it, but...

**Disclaimer** Please be aware that what you are about to read contains an over-use of quotation marks and perhaps borders a bit too much on satirical humor. So much so that it becomes, dare I say it, cynical at moments. You don’t have to read it, but if you do, please refrain from giving me “advice.”

What I began blogging about isn’t what I finished thinking about. Like Colbie, I had to begin again, but in a much different context. Of course it was—she’s in another league, another breed, falls in and out of love 8 times a year. And she sells lots of albums telling us about it. On that note, how is everybody getting married? I don’t get it. And it’s not just a small percentage of the population, it’s EVERYONE. I mean, some people manage to get married multiple times. What is going on there? What are they able to do a lot of that I can’t do any of? Pretty sure I belong on another planet. Pretty sure I’m sick of people gifting me the same pieces of “advice” year after year. Pretty sure only people in relationships actually believe those things and pretty sure they only “believe” them because they don’t actually have to believe them anymore. The idea is that everyone has advice, but it all pretty much boils down to: you need to be somebody different, act different, and completely do the opposite of what you’re doing right now no matter what you’re doing right now but stay true to yourself. Oh, I see…

“It’ll happen when you aren’t looking anymore.” That’s great. Except it’s a huge lie. “You just have to put yourself out there.” I’m sorry, where exactly is “there” and are you aware this completely contradicts the looking thing? Oh, but he’s “just around the corner.” Which corner? Am I on the right block? When do I get the map? “If he wants to ask you out, he’ll ask you out”, oh but “you just need to be more forward; you’re not trying hard enough.” Yes, ok, that makes a lot of no sense.

How exactly are people “going places” and “meeting people”? They go to camps and come back married. They go to weddings and then start planning their own. What is going on? What is happening in conversations for this to take place? And I’m completely aware that I’m just about the age where it doesn’t matter anymore. A Christian girl not married by the age of 25 is, well, an anomaly. So if I can’t figure out what I keep missing by tomorrow, then it’s pretty much over for me, folks. Breathe in, breathe out, breath in…

It’s ok, though. There are some truths bigger than these (and these are truths), some I cannot deny their greatness. I’ve been thinking a lot about commitment lately. Media writes it up in the horror section—a scary road we postpone until someone writes a good screenplay. But it’s a big deal. And we all end up committed to something or someone sooner or later—even if it’s to never committing. We will all grow our own theology. Where our heart is, there our treasure will be, and our heart will be somewhere.

My opinion? People need to stop playing telephone with this lie that there is someone out there for you—that it’s all about timing or waiting or looking or not looking or going “out there.” The radio needs to stop telling me that it’s the reason I’m alive—that I can’t be complete without it. That’s not helpful; that’s not true. I need to be reminded about what is true—that the greatest love story has already been told, and it’s beyond good enough—that I’m committed to enlarging the Kingdom, not fluffing my screenplay.

I’m attempting to understand this Kingdom and every once in a while I catch a glimpse of it. I know it’s more important than anything else I could ever work toward, complain about, be advised in. It’s perfect. I have to believe that some writer is hard at work, and even if it’s a story that ends without ever rounding the “right” corner, it’s going to be a good story. The best story. So good, Colbie would stop selling.